Meds
by mon.cheri.mer
Summary: Songfic. Meds by Placebo. I am sorry Mello, that you are losing it.. But I will be by your side. Forever. I love you.


_I was alone, falling free._

I laughed hard, when police forced me on wooden chair and turned the light right into my eyes. They were hopeless, useless, they didn't knew anything. Anything about me or who they actually managed to put their filthy hands on.

For god's sake, I was Mello. Yes, the one who fucked up their lives, the one who was wanted criminal, who was fucking Mafia boss, who was the greatest mind in world. Yes, I was Mello. And I was sitting in hard chair, laughing into bulb's face.

''What is your name? Answer me!'' Their whining made me laugh even more. What is my name? What is my fucking name? Did they really think I would answer that question? When nobody knew my damned name?

''What were you doing with this drugs?''

''I don't remember.''

_Trying my best not to forget._

''Oh, so you can talk? So what is your fucking name?''

''My motherfucking name is God. Or you can address me Christ if you like it. Fucker may not be as gorgeous as me, but hell if we both aren't Gods.'' I laughed maniacally, throwing my head back. They looked at me with disgust and threw foil with white powder on table. I didn't care, for now it wasn't important.

''Psycho. We had one like that. Thought he was a one. Look how he ended..''

''Maybe blonde is faking it?''

''Don't speak like that about your motherfucking God, bitches!'' I laughed and stood up. They were dense idiots.

_What happened to me?_

I looked at them suspiciously and eyed the Venice mirror. Some useless cops must be watching us, but Christ, I was Mello, I could do this. Especially with those idiots, who forgot to check my combat boots. I placed my feet on the edge of table.

''Don't compare me to him.'' I spit at the side, back to my senses. _What happened to me.._ He was nowhere near the real God, only teenage with complexes. And here was me, with sexiest ass and best mind in universe. Don't you fucking compare us.

''Bang.'' I whispered and got my gun from left boot, aim, shot.. Both were dead and some dogs made ruckus in the next room. I smiled, content.

I must get the hell out of there.

_What happened as I let it slip?_ I wanted to scream as I could decide which way should be chosen. I squeezed my eyes however my head pulsed, I couldn't gather my thoughts. What the hell happened to me?

"_Babe.. Did you forget to take your meds?''_

''Matt?'' _I was confused by the powers that be.._ No, no, I do not know anybody like this.. Who was Matt? Who is Matt? _Forgetting names and faces.._

I wanted to gag.. I needed to gag, when some blood shot at my face staining it red. I smeared it all over my peach-tanned skin and run, run to the back door, to exit. They were trying to stop me, to pull me back, to shoot me. No one shoots at Mello.

I threw the door open and sun burned my eyes, when I looked around. I smiled, I laughed. We made it Matt!

_Passersby were looking at me._ At blood smeared on my pretty face, on leather get up, on my sexy ass.. As if I was ill, virused, dangerous. Yeah, I was dangerous. So better don't try looking like this at my perfect self. Don't make me see this this glances insinuating I was stained, and you were pure.. You were anything, but pure! I was pure, I was! You were only fuckers who couldn't raise your hands for ideals and actions for new world!

_...as if they could erase this._

''Mello!'' They're not gonna get me! I run past people, on street. Drivers stopped their cars rapidly, throwing their fists at me. I cocked my gun at them and they stopped, in silence. Finally somebody, who knows how to respect God.

''Mello! _Babe! Did you forget to take your meds? Babe! Did you forget to take your meds!''_

I spun around to see fantastic red Camaro with some redhead inside. Green eyes were looking at me.. _as if they could erase it.._ this pain and insecurity.. No!

''Babe! Get in the car!'' Police got into their own cars and instead thinking correctly I followed my instinct and hopped inside Camaro.

''Mello, it's good I found you..'' He whispered speeding in highway's direction. I closed my eyes and shook my head, not saying a word. Suddenly I tried to open the door and get out. After all _I was alone, staring over the ledge. _Why the fuck was it locked? Why couldn't I get out?

''Mello, stop this, love. Don't hurt me.''

''What the fuck do you want?''

''Here are your meds.'' He handed my small red bottle with pills and syringe with packed needle. My head hurt to the point where my eyes were teary. It was thumping inside and all I wanted to do was to scream. And God, I was screaming.

''Babe, just take your meds.'' He begged looking at my with those eyes.. Those full of emotion eyes. What was that? Why was he looking at me like this? I was _trying my best not to forget.. all manner of joy, of manner of glee, and our one heroic pledge.._ What was that?

''Inflict it deep.'' He said, focusing on road, surely on getting out of city, getting away from all cops and waving things. I closed my eyes once again hoping when I will open them later, weird faces will disappear, all blurred and spinning buildings will stop moving..

''Inert it, Mihael!''

''Matt..'' My hands were shaking violently when I opened the bottle and took two pills out. I put them in glass bottle and Matt handed me a lighter. Seconds later I had liquid pills in syringe. I thrust the needle in my vain and hissed in pain, feeling gathered tears leak out on my cheeks..

''Babe.._How it mattered to us.. how it mattered to me? And those consequences.. _It wasn't worth this, babe.'' He was crying as I pushed all liquid inside my body and squirmed in pain, gasping for air.

''Matt..''

''Yes, I am here.'' _I was confused by the birds and bees, forgetting if I meant it.. _What the fuck was happening to me?_Baby, did you forget to take your meds?_ Ah, stop screaming! I don't take any meds. And you, you fucking redhead. Stop shaking so violently. You are driving, for fuck's sake! Don't bump into anything! I cherish my life! _Baby, did you forget to take your meds?_ I choked and started coughing.

''No! I do not take any meds!''

_Baby.. Did you forget to take your meds?_

''Stop this, stop moving, stop this car! I don't want any meds! Stop laughing so hard, stop, stop, stop!''

_Baby.. Did you forget to take your meds? _

_Baby.. Did you forget to take your meds?_

_BABY.. DID YOU FORGET TO TAKE YOUR MEDS?_

''Aaaahh!''

All world started spinning around and I ripped the needle out, focusing on my beloved. I thing I was loosing it, trying to focus on my life, on my body, on my thoughts, but couldn't comprehend the easiest thing. I didn't know where or who I was and why was I sitting with some redheaded psycho, having the syringe sticking out of my arm.

And after a few minutes everything fit in places.

''Matt.. You found me.''

''As always, Mello.'' I fell silent, looking on the road. I was tired, my body was aching and the only things I could think about was my lover.

''Let's go home, Matt.''

''And where is our home, Mello?''

''Any place where I can love you.'' I whispered, closing my eyes. I know he smiled and suddenly stopped.

''Let's go.'' He squeezed my hand for a second and quickly got out of the car. I did the same thing, looking longingly at building. Some small, surely cheap hotel. He pulled me inside and started yelling for receptionist to give him a key while throwing money on hear. She was scared, I could smell that like a wild animal. I chuckled and kissed Matt hard.

Seconds later we were in small room with one big bed, tugging harshly on our clothes.

_And the Sex and the drugs and the complications.._

I was lying on my backside, nuzzling face in soft pillow, while Matt was kissing my navel and working on my entrance. I thrashed violently when his three fingers became too much and not enough in the same time. His green eyes looking up at me were driving me crazy and his confident smirk was melting my heart.

Oh, god, how I loved this man..

_And the Sex and the drugs and the complications.._

''Here, Mells.. If you feel you need it, just insert it.'' He kissed my lips softly, massaging them with his tongue while placing near my head syringe with fresh needle. I smiled and nodded, then wrapped legs around his waist. He slowly thrust inside me and I cried out in pure happiness.

''I love you.. I love you, I love you..'' He smiled and kissed me once again, telling me with this action he felt exactly the same about me; that he loved me no matter what. No matter how many times I pushed him away creaming I don' recognize his face.

_And the Sex and the drugs and the complications._

He slowly pulled out and angled himself to slam on my prostate from very beginning. Just the way I loved it, just the way he knew it drove me crazy.

''!'' I screamed bucking up to meet him halfway. My eyes rolled back and I gasped for air, touching him, squeezing him, pulling him, feeling him, loving him.. Until I passed out.

_And the Sex and the drugs and the complications_

_And the Sex and the drugs and the complications_

_And the Sex and the drugs and the complications!_

I opened my eyes feeling somebody thrusting fast inside me, making me cry out in.. pain? Pleasure? Before I could think I squeezed the thing I was gripping at punched his arm, feeling something dig in his flesh. He screamed in surprise and pain, terrified.

''Mello, don't do this, don't, love, don..'' I pressed it and some liquid leaked into him. He gasped for air, looking at me with.. what was it?

''I love you, baby..'' He smiled sadly and leaned down to kiss my lips. I thrashed trying to get away from him, but nevertheless he did what he wanted. This kiss was so sweet, so loving, for a second I regretted putting him in pain. But, understand Matt.. Matt? Having somebody I don't know fucking me in my sleep is just.. too much..

''Love you... babe..''

_Baby, did you forget to take your meds._

What?

_Baby, did you forget to take your meds.._

I will just sleep..

_Baby, did you forget to take your meds?_

Matt.. I love you baby..

Yeah, I love you too Mello. I will love you forever.

Matt. I am sick.

Yeah, you psycho, I know.

Matt. I will forget you.

I won't let you.

Matt, my brain is not working properly.

I love you.

Leave me.

I love you.

Matt, we can't be together. I will destroy you.

Just take your meds.

I don't want them.

Just take them.

Kiss me, Matt.

I love you.

I love you too, Matt.

You are so beautiful.

What the fuck do you want from me?

_Baby, did you forget to take your meds?_

Fuck you, I don't need them!

Just take them.

You don't love me anymore!

_Baby, did you forget to take your meds?_

No, I got them. I love you, Matt.

Me too.

You son of a bitch, you are no better than whore!

Put that gun down, Mello.

No fucking way!

I love you, Mello, but.. _ Baby, did you forget to take your meds _again?

Fuck you..!

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

FUCK YOU!

I love you..

I love you..

I love you..

I love you Mello.

Me too.

''MATT!'' My eyes watered because of those memories. I made him go through this much and yet he was still by my side, loving me, sticking to me, taking care of me..

''Matt, Matt, love, I love you, baby, come here, where are you..?'' I choked on sobs I tried to stifle and moved slightly. That's when I felt him. Why was he so cold? Why wasn't he moving? Why was he so..

''Matt..?'' I snapped my eyes open I saw this. Saw his sad smile, his hand squeezing my hand as if trying to make me believe nothing was wrong.

''Why did I forget to take my meds?'' I cried, loudly, miserably. Why did I kill my love? Why I harmed him this much? Why wasn't there any way back?

_Baby did you forget to take your meds?_  
>''Yes.. I did..'' I sobbed and got up. If he couldn't be with me, shall I go to him..? I fell from bed, legs tangled in sheets. My love died because of me, so I should die with him.<p>

_Baby did you forget to take your meds?_

''I'm coming, baby.'' I whispered, why taking medicine twice as much as I needed for whole day in the syringe and wiping the tears, got back to bed. I hugged him, kissed him and slid him inside.. Yes, Matt, now I could die. Being with you like nobody could, loving you like nobody could, taking from you all I could.. All of you..

''I love you so much.'' I whispered and inserted the needle in my vain. I laughed. This was nice way out. No more pain, no more meds.. Only me, and you, and pure heavenly peace..

Pain shot through me and then.. There was happiness ripping my body in pieces.. I won't forget..

_I was alone,  
>Falling free,<br>Trying my best not to forget.._


End file.
